[ He's about to tell her she'd be incapable of forcing anything on him when she forces him into dumb silence for a few more seconds. ]
Just come sit.
[ He waits until she does before he gives her what she wants, still just a flicker between their minds because for some reason it feels way easier to talk about it this way. Silently, only the outsides of their thighs pressed together on the bench as the rest of the room ruts and moans in front of them. ]
[ Oh. Oh. Lottie almost wishes she didn't sit down at all if it meant this. But it's Daryl, so she's willing to tryβ even if it means pushing through the awkward she feels at this, her inexperience and frank inability to sympathize with people. The topic makes it easier, at least. Lottie went through a break up, too.
She leans back into her seat, spreads her legs until her knees are fully knocking his. ]
[ He doesn't move away from her. Even if he hadn't been loaded up with the orgy's finest samplers, the connection between them helps make the conversation bearable. He might have even let her sit that close if he was sober.
Even though he'd never be dishing to her then. He drains the cup he'd only been toying with when she'd been across the room. ]
When we all got back from the void. Said it was better this way.
[ In so many words. Daryl doesn't exactly want to relive the specifics of the night. ]
[ Wow. Yikes.. She refrains from hissing air through her teeth, fully aware of the fact they both have a reason for doing this as privately as they are. Lottie has only ever talked about her own relationships telepathicallyβ less emotion for there to trickle out. Less questions when you change the subject. The fact Daryl is letting them sit so long on the details of it means a lot.
There's a tilt of her head up to the barn roof, nose sniffling because germs. Animal fur. Residual fuck fluids in the air. She's not speaking fully, but her tone is gentle. Almost wry, ]
you know my first boyfriend didn't even break up w/ me properly he said we should go on a break & then he started dating my stalker
[ He can't help it, that makes him turn to sneak a look at her and he very narrowly avoids snorting out loud. ]
No shit?
[ He schools his expression again and turns back to face the room, his knee nudging hers in apology for what she said, for breaking their silence, all of it. They're supposed to not be obviously talking, right?
Totally normal behaviour. ]
That's insane. Fuck that guy. Who the hell would break up with you?
[ He knows how most guys think and he can see Lottie, after all. ]
[ She's happy he looks away first because she's liable to snort, and this conversation is supposed to happen in secret, after all (total normal behavior). She nudges his back softly in turn, to let him know it's okay and right?? Lottie thought the same thing when it all first happened. That, and her life was over. ]
sunny is okay his only crime was being beefy and dumb
[ And maybe a subpar boyfriend, but before coming here Lottie only had the one. She isn't sure if her time with John or House would technically compare or be on the list (she does know there was something, enough to be exes). She'd be a terrible judge regardlessβ she doesn't know what a good partner really looks like. ]
[ Something about the capitalization hits him straight in the heart and for a hot instant he misses Glenn like he'd seen him die just yesterday. So yeah fine, she manages to make him feel bad about picking on her. And now he just feels bad in general.
daryl he literally said we should go on a break didnt talk to me for like a month gave me no reason btw dated someone else end of story
[ And then she like, sexted him or whatever but that doesn't make for a good story!! ]
break ups in any capacity aren't 'GREAT' but like at least yours there's no bad blood and i know he's just thinking abt you anyway so he's doing that manpain thing
Why're you making it a competition? Did you have to watch him fall apart slowly in front of you?
[ It just comes out. He's worried about him, hasn't said so out loud to anyone else. But Jesse's fucked up all the time now, already looks like he's lost weight. And he doesn't have much to spare. ]
[ She frowns quietly. She isn't making it a competition, she's trying to relate. Badly, apparently, because she can practically feel the shift in the air, how Daryl slips back into the same mopey tune he was whistling before. ]
okay like no offense now YOU'RE making it a competition
[ But speaking of that manpain thingβ ]
what do you even mean?? was he like.. crying?? how bad?
[ It aches, hearing that. Lottie knows what it means (now, after having lived with him in the Void for so long), and Lottie knows just how bad it is. Using. Drinking all the time. Didn't bounce back.
Some part of her wants to laugh at thatβ if Daryl thinks she's bounced back then good. She's still got it. It means she's doing exactly what she needs to do to seem normal, hopefully the very same as she slides a hand to his side. Jostles her pinky against his, a subtle show of comfort that works for the both of them. ]
i didn't even know drugs existed here... and he hasn't talked to you since? :(
[ He feels that tentative touch and because it's her, because she's never offered something like that to him before, a dam in him very nearly breaks. He holds it back and doesn't respond, strains just to let her touch him. He accepts it by not pulling his hand away. ]
Well he found em. I think he used to be good at that.
[ In the Before, when Jesse and her were together in the Void, everything was perfect. So she has no idea if he was or wasn't good at that, so she stays quiet. Thinks. Lets her lips purse as he continues. ]
[ Jesse knows the world Daryl comes from, but knowing and seeing are two different things, it turns out. He'd never told Jesse that he was a killer. He'd had to find out as a witness. But so had Lottie. ]
[ Oh. Well, that'll do it. Jesse's dealt with drugs but not murder before, if their conversation about her own was anything to do by (which is fine, which is fair). Lottie's only good with it because she's spectacular at avoiding thought, feelings. Has poked and prodded at Caroline's dead (then resurrecting) body more times than she can count. ]
The number don't matter. 'Cause there ain't no number back home. And now he's seen it.
[ He couldn't put a number on his kills back home if he tried. He's been a soldier for years and years. The world is almost all death where he comes from and it's the only way of life left. ]
[ Lottie bristles at thatβ turns her head to actually look at him and maybe the audacity he has to say that (you don't know what you're talking about, you're saying what you think I wanna hear).
It's true, Lottie is a chronic people pleaser. But she likes to think she wouldn't lie about this, not when she feels so strongly about Daryl. The fact he's making her doubt herself is even worse, makes her draw her body away to get those few centimeters of distance back. ]
sure
[ Her gaze goes back to the crowd, jaw sharp, lips pursed. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Just come sit.
[ He waits until she does before he gives her what she wants, still just a flicker between their minds because for some reason it feels way easier to talk about it this way. Silently, only the outsides of their thighs pressed together on the bench as the rest of the room ruts and moans in front of them. ]
Jesse broke it off.
no subject
She leans back into her seat, spreads her legs until her knees are fully knocking his. ]
damn
sorry..
was it like
recently??
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Even though he'd never be dishing to her then. He drains the cup he'd only been toying with when she'd been across the room. ]
When we all got back from the void.
Said it was better this way.
[ In so many words. Daryl doesn't exactly want to relive the specifics of the night. ]
no subject
There's a tilt of her head up to the barn roof, nose sniffling because germs. Animal fur. Residual fuck fluids in the air. She's not speaking fully, but her tone is gentle. Almost wry, ]
you know
my first boyfriend didn't even break up w/ me properly
he said we should go on a break
& then he started dating my stalker
no subject
No shit?
[ He schools his expression again and turns back to face the room, his knee nudging hers in apology for what she said, for breaking their silence, all of it. They're supposed to not be obviously talking, right?
Totally normal behaviour. ]
That's insane. Fuck that guy.
Who the hell would break up with you?
[ He knows how most guys think and he can see Lottie, after all. ]
no subject
sunny is okay
his only crime was being beefy and dumb
[ And maybe a subpar boyfriend, but before coming here Lottie only had the one. She isn't sure if her time with John or House would technically compare or be on the list (she does know there was something, enough to be exes). She'd be a terrible judge regardlessβ she doesn't know what a good partner really looks like. ]
we were dating for a long time anyway
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[ That time he does snort. Even shakes his head because that's fucking hilarious. ]
Sorry. That explains it.
How long's long?
[ Wait, how the hell had they started talking about her? Oh well. ]
no subject
lol
[ She is so serious (also trust the process Daryl!!). ]
about five years
my friends and family thought we were gonna get married
no subject
Ain't no way you got your heart broke by a goddamn weatherman.
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his last name is kim
also he was my photographer
ANYWAY POINT IS he didn't give me anything before our 'break up'
but at least you got smth
that means jesse cares obvi, you know?
no subject
Bad vibe for an orgy. ]
Got something? You mean a goodbye?
Yeah it was great.
[ /s ]
no subject
didnt talk to me for like a month
gave me no reason btw
dated someone else
end of story
[ And then she like, sexted him or whatever but that doesn't make for a good story!! ]
break ups in any capacity aren't 'GREAT' but like
at least yours there's no bad blood
and i know he's just thinking abt you anyway so
he's doing that manpain thing
no subject
Did you have to watch him fall apart slowly in front of you?
[ It just comes out. He's worried about him, hasn't said so out loud to anyone else. But Jesse's fucked up all the time now, already looks like he's lost weight. And he doesn't have much to spare. ]
Whatever. I gave him what he wanted.
[ Speaking of that manpain thing... ]
no subject
okay like no offense now YOU'RE making it a competition
[ But speaking of that manpain thingβ ]
what do you even mean??
was he like.. crying??
how bad?
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But it turns out he was desperate for someone to ask. ]
Nah, he's.. bad.
Using again. Drinking all the time.
He didn't bounce back like you did.
[ Not after the cages. The void. He doesn't want to conjure either of those things here so he can't even 'not' say it in his head. ]
no subject
Some part of her wants to laugh at thatβ if Daryl thinks she's bounced back then good. She's still got it. It means she's doing exactly what she needs to do to seem normal, hopefully the very same as she slides a hand to his side. Jostles her pinky against his, a subtle show of comfort that works for the both of them. ]
i didn't even know drugs existed here...
and he hasn't talked to you since? :(
no subject
Well he found em.
I think he used to be good at that.
[ But her question is complicated. ]
He told me I scare him.
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okay.... idgi
how?
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Freaked him out more than you, I guess.
[ Jesse knows the world Daryl comes from, but knowing and seeing are two different things, it turns out. He'd never told Jesse that he was a killer. He'd had to find out as a witness. But so had Lottie. ]
no subject
well like
how many people
like my people?
one??
one isn't that bad
no subject
The number don't matter. 'Cause there ain't no number back home.
And now he's seen it.
[ He couldn't put a number on his kills back home if he tried. He's been a soldier for years and years. The world is almost all death where he comes from and it's the only way of life left. ]
no subject
he'll understand eventually
you had a reason
and you wouldn't do stuff like that without one
no subject
So you're just saying what you think I wanna hear.
[ He shifts beside her, suddenly more aware of himself. Of her. Of the entire room. ]
It's nice and all but you don't know what you're talking about.
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It's true, Lottie is a chronic people pleaser. But she likes to think she wouldn't lie about this, not when she feels so strongly about Daryl. The fact he's making her doubt herself is even worse, makes her draw her body away to get those few centimeters of distance back. ]
sure
[ Her gaze goes back to the crowd, jaw sharp, lips pursed. ]
i definitely don't know what i'm talking about