[ She frowns quietly. She isn't making it a competition, she's trying to relate. Badly, apparently, because she can practically feel the shift in the air, how Daryl slips back into the same mopey tune he was whistling before. ]
okay like no offense now YOU'RE making it a competition
[ But speaking of that manpain thingβ ]
what do you even mean?? was he like.. crying?? how bad?
[ It aches, hearing that. Lottie knows what it means (now, after having lived with him in the Void for so long), and Lottie knows just how bad it is. Using. Drinking all the time. Didn't bounce back.
Some part of her wants to laugh at thatβ if Daryl thinks she's bounced back then good. She's still got it. It means she's doing exactly what she needs to do to seem normal, hopefully the very same as she slides a hand to his side. Jostles her pinky against his, a subtle show of comfort that works for the both of them. ]
i didn't even know drugs existed here... and he hasn't talked to you since? :(
[ He feels that tentative touch and because it's her, because she's never offered something like that to him before, a dam in him very nearly breaks. He holds it back and doesn't respond, strains just to let her touch him. He accepts it by not pulling his hand away. ]
Well he found em. I think he used to be good at that.
[ In the Before, when Jesse and her were together in the Void, everything was perfect. So she has no idea if he was or wasn't good at that, so she stays quiet. Thinks. Lets her lips purse as he continues. ]
[ Jesse knows the world Daryl comes from, but knowing and seeing are two different things, it turns out. He'd never told Jesse that he was a killer. He'd had to find out as a witness. But so had Lottie. ]
[ Oh. Well, that'll do it. Jesse's dealt with drugs but not murder before, if their conversation about her own was anything to do by (which is fine, which is fair). Lottie's only good with it because she's spectacular at avoiding thought, feelings. Has poked and prodded at Caroline's dead (then resurrecting) body more times than she can count. ]
The number don't matter. 'Cause there ain't no number back home. And now he's seen it.
[ He couldn't put a number on his kills back home if he tried. He's been a soldier for years and years. The world is almost all death where he comes from and it's the only way of life left. ]
[ Lottie bristles at thatβ turns her head to actually look at him and maybe the audacity he has to say that (you don't know what you're talking about, you're saying what you think I wanna hear).
It's true, Lottie is a chronic people pleaser. But she likes to think she wouldn't lie about this, not when she feels so strongly about Daryl. The fact he's making her doubt herself is even worse, makes her draw her body away to get those few centimeters of distance back. ]
sure
[ Her gaze goes back to the crowd, jaw sharp, lips pursed. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
okay like no offense now YOU'RE making it a competition
[ But speaking of that manpain thingβ ]
what do you even mean??
was he like.. crying??
how bad?
no subject
But it turns out he was desperate for someone to ask. ]
Nah, he's.. bad.
Using again. Drinking all the time.
He didn't bounce back like you did.
[ Not after the cages. The void. He doesn't want to conjure either of those things here so he can't even 'not' say it in his head. ]
no subject
Some part of her wants to laugh at thatβ if Daryl thinks she's bounced back then good. She's still got it. It means she's doing exactly what she needs to do to seem normal, hopefully the very same as she slides a hand to his side. Jostles her pinky against his, a subtle show of comfort that works for the both of them. ]
i didn't even know drugs existed here...
and he hasn't talked to you since? :(
no subject
Well he found em.
I think he used to be good at that.
[ But her question is complicated. ]
He told me I scare him.
no subject
okay.... idgi
how?
no subject
Freaked him out more than you, I guess.
[ Jesse knows the world Daryl comes from, but knowing and seeing are two different things, it turns out. He'd never told Jesse that he was a killer. He'd had to find out as a witness. But so had Lottie. ]
no subject
well like
how many people
like my people?
one??
one isn't that bad
no subject
The number don't matter. 'Cause there ain't no number back home.
And now he's seen it.
[ He couldn't put a number on his kills back home if he tried. He's been a soldier for years and years. The world is almost all death where he comes from and it's the only way of life left. ]
no subject
he'll understand eventually
you had a reason
and you wouldn't do stuff like that without one
no subject
So you're just saying what you think I wanna hear.
[ He shifts beside her, suddenly more aware of himself. Of her. Of the entire room. ]
It's nice and all but you don't know what you're talking about.
no subject
It's true, Lottie is a chronic people pleaser. But she likes to think she wouldn't lie about this, not when she feels so strongly about Daryl. The fact he's making her doubt herself is even worse, makes her draw her body away to get those few centimeters of distance back. ]
sure
[ Her gaze goes back to the crowd, jaw sharp, lips pursed. ]
i definitely don't know what i'm talking about