[ He has just enough time to second-guess himself before Daryl speaks. Maybe it's a stupid idea. Maybe Daryl just wants to be alone in the woods, doesn't want to spend time with Jesse except when they're sleeping at night.
But Daryl doesn't say no, and despite himself, Jesse's heartbeat quickens a little in anticipation. Hope, maybe. ]
I dunno.
[ He can't leave it like that, though, can't risk losing Daryl's interest so soon, so he races to think up some idea before he just changes his mind and decides to fuck off to the woods again instead. ]
We could just...walk around town? See what's up? Like...people watch. Eat some food that's not squirrel.
[ There's a pause. ]
No offense, I mean, the squirrel's really, really good, but, y'know. Something different could be good too.
[ He is indeed thinking about the woods, about the plans he'd had for the day and how he's still missing so many of the supplies and tools he'd managed to collect before making his try for the void and how he doesn't yet have the inventory to trade for them back... But as fast as the thoughts come, the same answer that's been pointing him towards the tavern almost as often as not follows suit: what's the rush?
What's the point if he can't get out? ]
You wanna go for a walk. An' get lunch.
[ Deadpan, like he's making sure he's translated Jesse's idea of the day correctly. ]
Alright.
[ He sits up, like it's that simple, and then he pretends like his heart isn't beating sort of funny while he climbs over Jesse to start digging in his pack for a fresh(ish) shirt. ]
[ It sounds boring as hell when he says it like that, and Jesse tenses, ready to get laughed at and already trying to figure out how to walk the whole idea back without looking like a dumbass. But then Daryl agrees, of all things, and he's left looking like a dumbass anyway, just lying there staring while Daryl climbs right over him and starts digging through his bag. ]
Really?
[ Shit, really. His heart starts beating faster too, thumping with unexpected excitement, only for it all to come crashing down a second later. He balks at Daryl's joke, misinterpreting it for a moment before remembering that Daryl hadn't been at dinner at the castle and realizing what he really means. ]
Ha ha. Fuckin' hilarious.
[ But he doesn't really mind the dig, not when Daryl's already pulling on a fresh shirt, clearly willing to go along with him. Jesse scrambles out of bed and starts rummaging around for clean clothes of his own, shooting sidelong glances at Daryl the whole time. It's not a big deal, just wandering around the tiny village and finding something to eat. So why's he suddenly nervous? He finds himself rambling, like he's trying to win Daryl over even though he'd already said yes. ]
There's this cafe, they got the most amazing fuckin' pastries. The fuckin' bomb, you, you've never had anything like 'em.
[ Something about that surprised little 'really?' punches Daryl straight in the heart. It makes it sound as though Jesse either hadn't expected Daryl to say yes, that he'd thought being together during the day would be out of line, or maybe... he's just used to rejection. Both possibilities make Daryl pick the cleanest shirt he has left and since Jesse has seen him naked so many times already, has explored everything Daryl has to hide with fascinated hands, he just pulls off his smoke-scented old shirt and changes right in front of him. ]
Usually not much for sweet stuff.
[ But it sounds dismissive as soon as he says it and Daryl turns back around quickly once he's dressed, shrugging a little. Trying to keep calm and chill like this is all totally normal.
Because getting lunch with your friend is totally normal. ]
[ Oh. It feels like another miss, another way in which this is just a bad idea all around and nothing Daryl's going to enjoy. But Daryl immediately pulls it back, says he'll try it, and Jesse has to hide his own tiny smile by quickly grabbing a shirt and pulling it on over his head. ]
Cool.
[ Even once he's dressed, though, he still can't quite keep that hint of a smile off his face, sneaking sidelong glances at Daryl as he opens the door. ]
You been around town much?
[ Other than the bar and the boarding house, he's not sure how much Daryl has even seen. ]
[ He knows he's being watched, he doesn't even need to look straight at Jesse to catch that conspiratorial little smile, so he makes a point of not looking at him while he gathers up a roll of pelts for trading and packs them into the bag he's bringing with him. If he's buying the kid something, he's gotta pay for it somehow, right? ]
Not more'n I needed to.
[ Not more than was useful to him while he was trading for the things he needed and then packing up to make his run through the void. He knows his way around, he even knows the business that Jesse is talking about, but he hasn't visited any of them. He'd never been planning to stay long enough for it to matter. He'd fed himself and kept to himself and that had been that.
He tries not to let the train of thought darken his mood too much and he slaps Jesse genially on the back as he moves past him through the doorway. He even forces up a tight but genuine smile to give him. ]
[ Yeah, that's kind of what he'd thought. Daryl doesn't seem like the window-shopping type. But Jesse just nods, not judging. Almost more excited than before, in fact. Daryl not being that familiar with the town gives Jesse a chance to show off the parts he liked, gives them a chance to discover the rest together.
It's stupid, really, how much he's suddenly looking forward to this. But he hasn't done anything like it - gone out exploring a new place just to see it, just to spend time with someone else - since he went up to Santa Fe with Jane. It's been a long, long time. When Daryl gives him a cheerful pat on the back, it's just the cherry on top, the push Jesse needs to tip right over into happy. ]
Guess you don't.
[ It's almost chipper, a goofy grin on his face that more than makes up for the strain in Daryl's own expression. He clatters energetically down the stairs and out the door, stopping outside to give Daryl a chance to catch up with him and falling easily into step beside him. ]
Is there anything you wanna see? [ Like...? He scrunches up his face, thinking. ] Hunting...supply stores, or anything?
[ It's like following an excited kid downstairs and out the door and Daryl is struck silent by the sheer difference between this young man and the one he'd met on their first day in the woods. The one that had shaken and cried and clung to him, who had smelled like the world had forgotten him. Something soft in his chest aches when he thinks about it so he pushes it away once they're outside in the sun.
It isn't an accident, he thinks, Jesse bouncing back like this. He's a survivor.
But of a different type from Daryl, evidently. That's also been clear from the very start. ]
You don't know the first thing 'bout huntin', do you?
[ But there's such fondness in the question because Daryl knows what the offer really is. He wants to do what Daryl wants to do. It's sweet. It scares him a little. ]
I dunno. [ He hesitates, not sure if he wants to admit what he'd really like to do. ] I saw a place that looked like it was full of books.
[ Nope, he sure doesn't. Jesse grins shamelessly, shrugging his shoulders. It's true. He doesn't really care what they do, as long as they're out here. As long as they're walking in the sunshine, spending the day together, and Daryl's happy.
Bu even so, the suggestion Daryl does offer is so unexpected, so the last possible thing Jesse would ever have either expected from him or thought to look for himself, it yanks him back a step. ]
Books?
[ He says the word like he's never heard it before. Daryl might as well have suggested they go find a store full of eels, or sawdust shavings. But he catches himself almost instantly, before Daryl can get self-conscious or try to walk it back, and nods enthusiastically, his expression clearing. ]
Yeah. Oh, yeah, I think I saw that one. It's down this way.
[ Definitely a bookstore down this street, definitely not somewhere he'd ever so much as slowed down in front of up until now. But he leads the way confidently, shooting a curious look at Daryl. ]
[ He doesn't seem like the hunting type, Daryl had of course not needed that confirmed for him, but a second later he can almost hear the sound of a record scratching -- that's how obviously Jesse does a double-take beside him.
He feels a little self-conscious stab in his chest, something that he'd thought he'd left behind a long time ago. Other people's opinions of him, assumptions. It's uncomfortable, unbalancing. He knows what he looks like, but does he need to be reminded? ]
What? You got somethin' to say about it?
[ It's only a little accusing. Mostly he sounds disappointed, though he can't get a handle on the feeling. Maybe he's even a shade of hurt. ]
I spend plenty of time alone. [ He shrugs, watching the street instead of Jesse now. ] It's nice.
[ Had Daryl thought he was judging him for reading? No, Jesse realizes a beat later, catching the unhappy look on Daryl's face, the way his shoulders have hunched slightly upward defensively. He'd thought he was just...judging him. Like someone like Daryl couldn't possibly have hobbies like reading.
It's enough to make him stop in his tracks in front of Daryl, turning to face him so he has to stop too and meet Jesse's eyes. ]
No, man. It's not that. It's just - [ He shrugs, and now it's Jesse's turn to feel self-conscious, looking away. What if Daryl thinks he's stupid, or not worth his time? Just a worthless druggie, with no interests beyond chasing the next high. ]
I just...always thought it was kinda boring.
[ "Kinda" is an understatement. He can't think of anything he'd like less to do with his time. Reading. For fun. ]
[ Daryl's only strategy is to avoid uncomfortable confrontations like these but Jesse rounds on him and brings him to a stop like he's a damn cop cruiser. Daryl pulls up short and straightens up, blinking at him when Jesse looks down the street right after calling a halt to traffic.
He relaxes, rolling his eyes because yeah, he hadn't made much of a thing of it before the the walkers had changed everything. Drinking was better, drugs were the best, and if Merle had ever caught him with a book, that would have been it for Daryl - all he would have heard about for a year. Darlina, the book worm. On and on.
Nah, he's learned to enjoy it. So he just shrugs. ]
You learn to like a lot of borin' stuff durin' the end of the world. And after, when there's nothin' left.
[ And then he just steps past him and walks on, like he hasn't just opened an insane door wide for Jesse to walk through. ]
[ Jesse's already trying to justify it to himself. He doesn't know a ton about Daryl's past, but he knows, or can assume, he hadn't had a lot of money growing up. He probably hadn't had a Playstation in the house. Or...a Nintendo? Would those have been around when he was a kid?
He might not even have had a TV. So yeah, in the lack of any real entertainment options, Jesse can kind of see it. And then Daryl keeps talking and Jesse's left standing there, mouth open, just staring at Daryl as he walks past like he hadn't just dropped the biggest bombshell Jesse's ever heard. ]
What?
[ He finally remembers how to move, half-jogging to catch up with Daryl, ambling along like everything's normal. Had he heard that right? He couldn't have, right? ]
[ He's been aware for a long time that Jesse doesn't know the details about where Daryl comes from. He's told others here, even details in some cases, but it's never really come up with Jesse, not even when he was telling him about why he had to leave. It's dawning on him now, as Jesse rushes to catch up with him, that maybe he might have understood the situation better if Daryl had told him more.
Imagine that. ]
When the dead started comin' back to life. [ He shrugs, pure nonchalance. It's been so many years that none of it feels or sounds fantastic to him anymore. ] Power went fast. Radio stayed, of course, but there were no broadcasts or nothin'.
But they bombed the cities fast. Everything felt different after that.
[ Just walking, chatting, like he's talking about construction that happened in his hometown. ]
[ He stares at Daryl, disbelieving, just this side of indignant - but also just a little bit uncertain. It's not the kind of joke he can see Daryl making, especially out of nowhere like this. Bombing cities? He wouldn't joke about that.
But it also can't be real, what he's saying. Because it doesn't make any sense. It's impossible, and if it wasn't, Daryl wouldn't be talking about it like this, like it's nothing. ]
Yo, knock it off, come on. I think it's cool. That you read.
[ He only wishes he could see the appeal itself. It sure would've made school a lot less boring. Maybe he wouldn't have turned out like such a major fuckup, disappointed his parents and everyone else. But there's no reason for Daryl to make all this up just to justify it, or mess with Jesse for his reaction. ]
[ But it feels strangely difficult for him to elaborate. Most people here had been either primed to believe him already or outright interested in knowing more. Mavis had seemed confused but open-minded, John had wanted to know everything.
Jesse just seems to think it's impossible for some reason. Daryl's allergy to going into unasked-for detail is rearing its ugly head. ]
No. You don't.
[ But he's settled about it, isn't taking it as personally now that he understands where Jesse's disbelief had been coming from. It makes sense that he wouldn't be into reading. How many meth dealers has Daryl ever met who carried a book with them? ]
[ But he can only sound so convincing. Cool is pushing it a little, after all. Or a lot. The point is, he doesn't think Daryl's less cool because of it.
The bigger question is this end of the world thing. This dead coming to life thing. He keeps pace with Daryl, head turned to stare at him instead of watching where he's going. It's a wonder he doesn't run straight into a wall or something and knock himself out. ]
Who bombed what cities?
[ There's still a tinge of uncertainty in his voice - he doesn't want to fall for anything like a gullible asshole. But he just can't figure out why Daryl would lie about something like that, either. ]
[ Daryl knows broadly where he's going, he had only passed the place with the books once while making his map of the town, but he's content to walk in silence and let the kid figure out if he wants to ask any more on his own. He knows he's being stared at but he only gives Jesse a considering glance once he's formed his question. ]
You really wanna know?
[ It pains him a little, to think that Jesse might not believe him. He doesn't want to lay it out and show all his broken cards from a slow-healing world if Jesse isn't even going to understand. ]
Military. [ As far as he knows, anyway. ] They used napalm, tryin' to take out walkers, or maybe people. Tryin' to keep them from becomin' walkers. [ He shrugs. ] It didn't work. Cities were hotspots for years.
[ It sounds like the plot to some dumb horror movie, but Daryl's so serious about it that Jesse almost has no choice but to believe him. He keeps his gaze on Daryl's face even when the other man's looking at the path ahead instead of him, trying to read his expression. Or, since this is Daryl, his almost total lack thereof.
The thing is, it kind of makes sense, with what he knows about Daryl. The way he'd naturally gravitated towards setting up camp in the woods, easily dismissing the modern (well, modern-ish) conveniences offered in town. How good he is at hunting. At surviving on almost nothing. Like he's been doing it for years.
Like someone living after the end of the world would. ]
[ That's enough to get a grimace out of Daryl but he's pacified to hear that Jesse isn't accusing him of being a liar anymore. It almost ends up being a comical expression as a result. ]
Why does everyone keep usin' that word?
[ He's heard everything under the sun that a survivor could think to call the dead come back to life, but not until that green-haired girl in the rain had called his life some cheap horror movie has he heard that word before. ]
It doesn't describe nothin' they do. Biters, lamebrains, geeks. [ That had been his at first, it had never caught on. ] Skin-eaters, roamers. Lurkers, if that's what they're doin'. We called 'em walkers because you had to call 'em something.
[ Vampires, the kid means vampires, even Daryl knows that, but he just snorts and doesn't correct him. Little Miss L.A. had made it sound like zombies were a regular part of movies and shit where she came from, so he has to assume that the same thing goes for Jesse. That's how he knows some part of what Daryl's talking about.
Hell, maybe Jesse and the green-haired girl are from the same version of the world. ]
You didn't ask.
[ He quite literally hadn't. But he stops to look at Jesse properly, to let him see that Daryl is being completely serious. ]
My world... [ Shit, that will never not sound impossibly weird to Daryl, ] It was like yours. Thirteen years ago.
[ Come on. Even Daryl has to know better than that. No, neither of them have talked much about their lives before all this, but there's no way by the way, I'm straight outta Dawn of the Dead shouldn't have been number one on the list.
But Jesse stops when Daryl does, attentively listening now that Daryl's actually sharing information with him. ]
Thirteen...
[ Thirteen years. He can see it, actually. If anyone's capable of surviving over a decade in a hellish, zombie-infested wasteland, it's Daryl. ]
What's it like?
[ What kind of life has he built, thirteen years on? The words come out softer, Jesse's eyes alert and fixed on Daryl. He doesn't seem to mind talking about it, at least so far, but he doesn't want to push too hard. ]
Of all the things Daryl isn't expecting to feel after being asked the question, it's lost. How can he even start to tell him? What exactly does he want to know? What the world was like for so long, what he's done? All the impossible things he's seen people accomplish, all the horror he's learned others are capable of? All the death, the unending, ever-present threat of loss?
All of it and nothing shows on his face for a flash but when Jesse asks about his brother, Daryl looks away. Blinks to clear his eyes. How has it all hit him so fast, with just a couple of questions? ]
Nah. I lost him.
[ He swallows, trying to grind down on the rush of emotions because damn it, they're in public and there's no point in getting worked up about any of this. He's fucking stuck here, he's trapped and the only way he'll survive to finally get free is if he doesn't do this to himself. He knows that. He's been trying. ]
I was lookin' for him when I... [ Ended up here. With you. ] But I don't wanna talk about him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
But Daryl doesn't say no, and despite himself, Jesse's heartbeat quickens a little in anticipation. Hope, maybe. ]
I dunno.
[ He can't leave it like that, though, can't risk losing Daryl's interest so soon, so he races to think up some idea before he just changes his mind and decides to fuck off to the woods again instead. ]
We could just...walk around town? See what's up? Like...people watch. Eat some food that's not squirrel.
[ There's a pause. ]
No offense, I mean, the squirrel's really, really good, but, y'know. Something different could be good too.
no subject
What's the point if he can't get out? ]
You wanna go for a walk. An' get lunch.
[ Deadpan, like he's making sure he's translated Jesse's idea of the day correctly. ]
Alright.
[ He sits up, like it's that simple, and then he pretends like his heart isn't beating sort of funny while he climbs over Jesse to start digging in his pack for a fresh(ish) shirt. ]
What, don't like eatin' your cousins?
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Really?
[ Shit, really. His heart starts beating faster too, thumping with unexpected excitement, only for it all to come crashing down a second later. He balks at Daryl's joke, misinterpreting it for a moment before remembering that Daryl hadn't been at dinner at the castle and realizing what he really means. ]
Ha ha. Fuckin' hilarious.
[ But he doesn't really mind the dig, not when Daryl's already pulling on a fresh shirt, clearly willing to go along with him. Jesse scrambles out of bed and starts rummaging around for clean clothes of his own, shooting sidelong glances at Daryl the whole time. It's not a big deal, just wandering around the tiny village and finding something to eat. So why's he suddenly nervous? He finds himself rambling, like he's trying to win Daryl over even though he'd already said yes. ]
There's this cafe, they got the most amazing fuckin' pastries. The fuckin' bomb, you, you've never had anything like 'em.
no subject
Usually not much for sweet stuff.
[ But it sounds dismissive as soon as he says it and Daryl turns back around quickly once he's dressed, shrugging a little. Trying to keep calm and chill like this is all totally normal.
Because getting lunch with your friend is totally normal. ]
But I'll try. If you say it's good.
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Cool.
[ Even once he's dressed, though, he still can't quite keep that hint of a smile off his face, sneaking sidelong glances at Daryl as he opens the door. ]
You been around town much?
[ Other than the bar and the boarding house, he's not sure how much Daryl has even seen. ]
no subject
Not more'n I needed to.
[ Not more than was useful to him while he was trading for the things he needed and then packing up to make his run through the void. He knows his way around, he even knows the business that Jesse is talking about, but he hasn't visited any of them. He'd never been planning to stay long enough for it to matter. He'd fed himself and kept to himself and that had been that.
He tries not to let the train of thought darken his mood too much and he slaps Jesse genially on the back as he moves past him through the doorway. He even forces up a tight but genuine smile to give him. ]
Guess I got no excuse now, huh?
no subject
It's stupid, really, how much he's suddenly looking forward to this. But he hasn't done anything like it - gone out exploring a new place just to see it, just to spend time with someone else - since he went up to Santa Fe with Jane. It's been a long, long time. When Daryl gives him a cheerful pat on the back, it's just the cherry on top, the push Jesse needs to tip right over into happy. ]
Guess you don't.
[ It's almost chipper, a goofy grin on his face that more than makes up for the strain in Daryl's own expression. He clatters energetically down the stairs and out the door, stopping outside to give Daryl a chance to catch up with him and falling easily into step beside him. ]
Is there anything you wanna see? [ Like...? He scrunches up his face, thinking. ] Hunting...supply stores, or anything?
no subject
It isn't an accident, he thinks, Jesse bouncing back like this. He's a survivor.
But of a different type from Daryl, evidently. That's also been clear from the very start. ]
You don't know the first thing 'bout huntin', do you?
[ But there's such fondness in the question because Daryl knows what the offer really is. He wants to do what Daryl wants to do. It's sweet. It scares him a little. ]
I dunno. [ He hesitates, not sure if he wants to admit what he'd really like to do. ] I saw a place that looked like it was full of books.
no subject
Bu even so, the suggestion Daryl does offer is so unexpected, so the last possible thing Jesse would ever have either expected from him or thought to look for himself, it yanks him back a step. ]
Books?
[ He says the word like he's never heard it before. Daryl might as well have suggested they go find a store full of eels, or sawdust shavings. But he catches himself almost instantly, before Daryl can get self-conscious or try to walk it back, and nods enthusiastically, his expression clearing. ]
Yeah. Oh, yeah, I think I saw that one. It's down this way.
[ Definitely a bookstore down this street, definitely not somewhere he'd ever so much as slowed down in front of up until now. But he leads the way confidently, shooting a curious look at Daryl. ]
You like reading?
wheeze that was so ic of him
He feels a little self-conscious stab in his chest, something that he'd thought he'd left behind a long time ago. Other people's opinions of him, assumptions. It's uncomfortable, unbalancing. He knows what he looks like, but does he need to be reminded? ]
What? You got somethin' to say about it?
[ It's only a little accusing. Mostly he sounds disappointed, though he can't get a handle on the feeling. Maybe he's even a shade of hurt. ]
I spend plenty of time alone. [ He shrugs, watching the street instead of Jesse now. ] It's nice.
no subject
[ Had Daryl thought he was judging him for reading? No, Jesse realizes a beat later, catching the unhappy look on Daryl's face, the way his shoulders have hunched slightly upward defensively. He'd thought he was just...judging him. Like someone like Daryl couldn't possibly have hobbies like reading.
It's enough to make him stop in his tracks in front of Daryl, turning to face him so he has to stop too and meet Jesse's eyes. ]
No, man. It's not that. It's just - [ He shrugs, and now it's Jesse's turn to feel self-conscious, looking away. What if Daryl thinks he's stupid, or not worth his time? Just a worthless druggie, with no interests beyond chasing the next high. ]
I just...always thought it was kinda boring.
[ "Kinda" is an understatement. He can't think of anything he'd like less to do with his time. Reading. For fun. ]
(cw: feminization, family abuse)
He relaxes, rolling his eyes because yeah, he hadn't made much of a thing of it before the the walkers had changed everything. Drinking was better, drugs were the best, and if Merle had ever caught him with a book, that would have been it for Daryl - all he would have heard about for a year. Darlina, the book worm. On and on.
Nah, he's learned to enjoy it. So he just shrugs. ]
You learn to like a lot of borin' stuff durin' the end of the world. And after, when there's nothin' left.
[ And then he just steps past him and walks on, like he hasn't just opened an insane door wide for Jesse to walk through. ]
no subject
He might not even have had a TV. So yeah, in the lack of any real entertainment options, Jesse can kind of see it. And then Daryl keeps talking and Jesse's left standing there, mouth open, just staring at Daryl as he walks past like he hadn't just dropped the biggest bombshell Jesse's ever heard. ]
What?
[ He finally remembers how to move, half-jogging to catch up with Daryl, ambling along like everything's normal. Had he heard that right? He couldn't have, right? ]
End of the what?
no subject
Imagine that. ]
When the dead started comin' back to life. [ He shrugs, pure nonchalance. It's been so many years that none of it feels or sounds fantastic to him anymore. ] Power went fast. Radio stayed, of course, but there were no broadcasts or nothin'.
But they bombed the cities fast. Everything felt different after that.
[ Just walking, chatting, like he's talking about construction that happened in his hometown. ]
no subject
[ He stares at Daryl, disbelieving, just this side of indignant - but also just a little bit uncertain. It's not the kind of joke he can see Daryl making, especially out of nowhere like this. Bombing cities? He wouldn't joke about that.
But it also can't be real, what he's saying. Because it doesn't make any sense. It's impossible, and if it wasn't, Daryl wouldn't be talking about it like this, like it's nothing. ]
Yo, knock it off, come on. I think it's cool. That you read.
[ He only wishes he could see the appeal itself. It sure would've made school a lot less boring. Maybe he wouldn't have turned out like such a major fuckup, disappointed his parents and everyone else. But there's no reason for Daryl to make all this up just to justify it, or mess with Jesse for his reaction. ]
no subject
[ But it feels strangely difficult for him to elaborate. Most people here had been either primed to believe him already or outright interested in knowing more. Mavis had seemed confused but open-minded, John had wanted to know everything.
Jesse just seems to think it's impossible for some reason. Daryl's allergy to going into unasked-for detail is rearing its ugly head. ]
No. You don't.
[ But he's settled about it, isn't taking it as personally now that he understands where Jesse's disbelief had been coming from. It makes sense that he wouldn't be into reading. How many meth dealers has Daryl ever met who carried a book with them? ]
no subject
[ But he can only sound so convincing. Cool is pushing it a little, after all. Or a lot. The point is, he doesn't think Daryl's less cool because of it.
The bigger question is this end of the world thing. This dead coming to life thing. He keeps pace with Daryl, head turned to stare at him instead of watching where he's going. It's a wonder he doesn't run straight into a wall or something and knock himself out. ]
Who bombed what cities?
[ There's still a tinge of uncertainty in his voice - he doesn't want to fall for anything like a gullible asshole. But he just can't figure out why Daryl would lie about something like that, either. ]
no subject
You really wanna know?
[ It pains him a little, to think that Jesse might not believe him. He doesn't want to lay it out and show all his broken cards from a slow-healing world if Jesse isn't even going to understand. ]
Military. [ As far as he knows, anyway. ] They used napalm, tryin' to take out walkers, or maybe people. Tryin' to keep them from becomin' walkers. [ He shrugs. ] It didn't work. Cities were hotspots for years.
no subject
The thing is, it kind of makes sense, with what he knows about Daryl. The way he'd naturally gravitated towards setting up camp in the woods, easily dismissing the modern (well, modern-ish) conveniences offered in town. How good he is at hunting. At surviving on almost nothing. Like he's been doing it for years.
Like someone living after the end of the world would. ]
Walkers...
You mean...you mean fuckin' zombies. Right?
The dead.
no subject
Why does everyone keep usin' that word?
[ He's heard everything under the sun that a survivor could think to call the dead come back to life, but not until that green-haired girl in the rain had called his life some cheap horror movie has he heard that word before. ]
It doesn't describe nothin' they do. Biters, lamebrains, geeks. [ That had been his at first, it had never caught on. ] Skin-eaters, roamers. Lurkers, if that's what they're doin'. We called 'em walkers because you had to call 'em something.
no subject
[ It's just a word. It's what they are. Daryl's words are very descriptive, though, and Jesse makes a face. Skin-eaters? Fucking gross. ]
Holy shit.
[ He mutters to himself, still looking at Daryl with new eyes. ]
You really -
Why didn't you ever tell me you were from the fuckin' zombie apocalypse, man?
no subject
Hell, maybe Jesse and the green-haired girl are from the same version of the world. ]
You didn't ask.
[ He quite literally hadn't. But he stops to look at Jesse properly, to let him see that Daryl is being completely serious. ]
My world... [ Shit, that will never not sound impossibly weird to Daryl, ] It was like yours. Thirteen years ago.
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[ Come on. Even Daryl has to know better than that. No, neither of them have talked much about their lives before all this, but there's no way by the way, I'm straight outta Dawn of the Dead shouldn't have been number one on the list.
But Jesse stops when Daryl does, attentively listening now that Daryl's actually sharing information with him. ]
Thirteen...
[ Thirteen years. He can see it, actually. If anyone's capable of surviving over a decade in a hellish, zombie-infested wasteland, it's Daryl. ]
What's it like?
[ What kind of life has he built, thirteen years on? The words come out softer, Jesse's eyes alert and fixed on Daryl. He doesn't seem to mind talking about it, at least so far, but he doesn't want to push too hard. ]
You're with your brother? Right?
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Of all the things Daryl isn't expecting to feel after being asked the question, it's lost. How can he even start to tell him? What exactly does he want to know? What the world was like for so long, what he's done? All the impossible things he's seen people accomplish, all the horror he's learned others are capable of? All the death, the unending, ever-present threat of loss?
All of it and nothing shows on his face for a flash but when Jesse asks about his brother, Daryl looks away. Blinks to clear his eyes. How has it all hit him so fast, with just a couple of questions? ]
Nah. I lost him.
[ He swallows, trying to grind down on the rush of emotions because damn it, they're in public and there's no point in getting worked up about any of this. He's fucking stuck here, he's trapped and the only way he'll survive to finally get free is if he doesn't do this to himself. He knows that. He's been trying. ]
I was lookin' for him when I... [ Ended up here. With you. ] But I don't wanna talk about him.
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He feels like shit immediately, dropping his gaze and nodding quickly when Daryl says he doesn't wanna talk about it. ]
Yeah. Yeah, no problem.
[ But it doesn't seem like enough. His hand twitches, almost like he wants to take Daryl's. Reach for him, try to offer some sort of comfort.
It's a stupid instinct. What kind of comfort could someone like Jesse ever offer? Daryl had lost his brother. ]
I'm sorry, man.
[ He speaks softly, flicking a sorrowful, genuinely regretful look up at Daryl's face. ]
For real.
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