[ he lets the hug linger on for another moment. presses his face into Daryl's shoulder and shakes his head in response. who was Daryl going to hurt in the forest anyway? he could have turned back even without Felipe interfering. maybe he was already on his way back to himself? ]
No. That's not how it went.
[ it was nothing but blind rage and violence. intense feelings he's now ashamed of. his grip of the other man tightens as he shifts his center closer to him so that they don't lose their balance and fall off. ]
[ He's way better at hugs now than he used to be and he lets Felipe get comfortable for a solid few seconds before he starts trying to pull away. Then he feels Felipe holding tighter and Daryl pats him between the shoulder blades instead, just letting it continue.
His friends used to hug him like this sometimes. It isn't the worst thing. ]
How'd it go, then?
[ He doesn't have to ask very loudly. ]
'Cause from what I remember, I fought back. It... wasn't done for me.
[ but that could have been just because Felipe riled him up again. ]
I think you saw me as a threat. Attacked me because I...
[ he lets out a ragged exhale. there's a heavy feeling in his chest sucking out all the air when he thinks back on what happened. he wishes he could concentrate on Daryl's arms instead. ]
[ That finally gets Daryl to put back properly. He shivers and it's almost like a flinch, the way he quickly withdraws because the sense memory that follows Felipe's explanation is so strong. The damage he'd done to her, the way he'd been prepared to protect the body. To...
He can't look at him. ]
I deserved it.
[ He feels like he deserved worse. That he still deserves worse. He should still be being punished; for what he did to her when he transformed, for getting them all out there in the first place. For everything. ]
You two would never have been out there if it weren't for me. It was my fault.
[ Daryl nods, but the movement is tight. He lets it sit and tries to accept that the darkest things he's ever done are the sort of things that are still forgivable here. It isn't exactly a reassuring thought.
But if death isn't the consequence it used to be, why should that be out of the question? He wouldn't wish resurrection on anyone but he's here to listen to Felipe's apology. If they're trapped, at least this one thing is given to them. ]
I couldn't accept that we're... stuck. But we are.
[ He reaches up and clasps Felipe's hand on his shoulder, squeezing it for a moment. For once, the last thing he'll be able to stand in the coming days is being alone. ]
[ Felipe makes a small noise in agreement. there's no way out of here, at least not for now, but maybe there are worse places one could find themselves in. ]
Are you okay?
[ he finally draws the hand back to himself, but pauses to watch Daryl. the resurrection process raises some questions, but he's not sure if he's curious enough to learn about it. best to go before he finds his mouth moving on its own as it usually does. ]
I should return to Mavis. I don't want her to be alone. You can come too, if you like.
[ It's the only response he's had to give that question for over a decade. He's going to be okay, eventually, because he has to be. That's all there is to surviving. ]
Nah. [ He answers quickly though, shakes his head. ] She shouldn't have to look at me right now. Not for a while.
[ Felipe understands. he wishes that he didn't, but it is what it is. he nods and gets up, holding his side because the wound started throbbing painfully again. ]
Try not to fall off the roof.
[ he jokes, but the look he gives Daryl is dead serious. ]
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no subject
No. That's not how it went.
[ it was nothing but blind rage and violence. intense feelings he's now ashamed of. his grip of the other man tightens as he shifts his center closer to him so that they don't lose their balance and fall off. ]
You don't owe me anything. Shut up.
no subject
His friends used to hug him like this sometimes. It isn't the worst thing. ]
How'd it go, then?
[ He doesn't have to ask very loudly. ]
'Cause from what I remember, I fought back. It... wasn't done for me.
no subject
[ but that could have been just because Felipe riled him up again. ]
I think you saw me as a threat. Attacked me because I...
[ he lets out a ragged exhale. there's a heavy feeling in his chest sucking out all the air when he thinks back on what happened. he wishes he could concentrate on Daryl's arms instead. ]
You saw me with Mavis.
no subject
He can't look at him. ]
I deserved it.
[ He feels like he deserved worse. That he still deserves worse. He should still be being punished; for what he did to her when he transformed, for getting them all out there in the first place. For everything. ]
You two would never have been out there if it weren't for me. It was my fault.
no subject
Hey, you couldn't have stopped us from coming.
[ he wasn't even invited, remember? Felipe reaches to touch his shoulder gently. ]
Considering everything... I think we're even.
no subject
But if death isn't the consequence it used to be, why should that be out of the question? He wouldn't wish resurrection on anyone but he's here to listen to Felipe's apology. If they're trapped, at least this one thing is given to them. ]
I couldn't accept that we're... stuck. But we are.
[ He reaches up and clasps Felipe's hand on his shoulder, squeezing it for a moment. For once, the last thing he'll be able to stand in the coming days is being alone. ]
no subject
Are you okay?
[ he finally draws the hand back to himself, but pauses to watch Daryl. the resurrection process raises some questions, but he's not sure if he's curious enough to learn about it. best to go before he finds his mouth moving on its own as it usually does. ]
I should return to Mavis. I don't want her to be alone. You can come too, if you like.
no subject
[ It's the only response he's had to give that question for over a decade. He's going to be okay, eventually, because he has to be. That's all there is to surviving. ]
Nah. [ He answers quickly though, shakes his head. ] She shouldn't have to look at me right now. Not for a while.
[ Not after what he'd done to her. ]
Go keep her company for me.
no subject
Try not to fall off the roof.
[ he jokes, but the look he gives Daryl is dead serious. ]
See you later.