![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
We skipped dinner. Went exploring.
Look, we probably could have both spent a little time in the art gallery and gone home with everyone else, but House doesn't handle paralysis well. I mean, not that anyone does. But he's got some hang-ups around being helpless like that.
[ John would rather be tortured to death repeatedly than have to stand by watching House live through being a free use statue, so he made the Duchess an offer she was more than happy to accept. ]
Then when I demonstrated I'm hard to poison she took an extra special interest. At this point it's past punishment and more like she's experimenting.
[ He doesn't know why it all spills out. Not like he told literally anybody else any of this, has hedged around why he's here, why he hasn't fought back. It's something about the intimacy of midnight confidences, combined with the sense of Daryl as somewhat stalwart, able to handle this information without getting all emotional on him. ]
Look, we probably could have both spent a little time in the art gallery and gone home with everyone else, but House doesn't handle paralysis well. I mean, not that anyone does. But he's got some hang-ups around being helpless like that.
[ John would rather be tortured to death repeatedly than have to stand by watching House live through being a free use statue, so he made the Duchess an offer she was more than happy to accept. ]
Then when I demonstrated I'm hard to poison she took an extra special interest. At this point it's past punishment and more like she's experimenting.
[ He doesn't know why it all spills out. Not like he told literally anybody else any of this, has hedged around why he's here, why he hasn't fought back. It's something about the intimacy of midnight confidences, combined with the sense of Daryl as somewhat stalwart, able to handle this information without getting all emotional on him. ]
[ Daryl's only strategy is to avoid uncomfortable confrontations like these but Jesse rounds on him and brings him to a stop like he's a damn cop cruiser. Daryl pulls up short and straightens up, blinking at him when Jesse looks down the street right after calling a halt to traffic.
He relaxes, rolling his eyes because yeah, he hadn't made much of a thing of it before the the walkers had changed everything. Drinking was better, drugs were the best, and if Merle had ever caught him with a book, that would have been it for Daryl - all he would have heard about for a year. Darlina, the book worm. On and on.
Nah, he's learned to enjoy it. So he just shrugs. ]
You learn to like a lot of borin' stuff durin' the end of the world. And after, when there's nothin' left.
[ And then he just steps past him and walks on, like he hasn't just opened an insane door wide for Jesse to walk through. ]
He relaxes, rolling his eyes because yeah, he hadn't made much of a thing of it before the the walkers had changed everything. Drinking was better, drugs were the best, and if Merle had ever caught him with a book, that would have been it for Daryl - all he would have heard about for a year. Darlina, the book worm. On and on.
Nah, he's learned to enjoy it. So he just shrugs. ]
You learn to like a lot of borin' stuff durin' the end of the world. And after, when there's nothin' left.
[ And then he just steps past him and walks on, like he hasn't just opened an insane door wide for Jesse to walk through. ]
Goddamn it.
[ Stalwart, yes. More than John has even assumed. But emotionless? No, not after he'd spent the night paralyzed like John had saved House from. Like John had been before whatever is happening to him now. The fact that he would do that for someone, that he would take on torture on top of that to save someone what Daryl had gone through, it tears at him a little.
John has him after this. ]
So she's probably listening, too. [ The bitch. It means they're limited in what they can really say. ] I didn't see you there. Must have been outta my eyeline.
[ Or he'd been put there after Jesse had fixed his tie around Daryl's eyes as a blindfold, the only way Daryl had been able to block out some of the horrors in the room. A bandaid when he'd needed an amputation. ]
[ Stalwart, yes. More than John has even assumed. But emotionless? No, not after he'd spent the night paralyzed like John had saved House from. Like John had been before whatever is happening to him now. The fact that he would do that for someone, that he would take on torture on top of that to save someone what Daryl had gone through, it tears at him a little.
John has him after this. ]
So she's probably listening, too. [ The bitch. It means they're limited in what they can really say. ] I didn't see you there. Must have been outta my eyeline.
[ Or he'd been put there after Jesse had fixed his tie around Daryl's eyes as a blindfold, the only way Daryl had been able to block out some of the horrors in the room. A bandaid when he'd needed an amputation. ]
[ Jesse's already trying to justify it to himself. He doesn't know a ton about Daryl's past, but he knows, or can assume, he hadn't had a lot of money growing up. He probably hadn't had a Playstation in the house. Or...a Nintendo? Would those have been around when he was a kid?
He might not even have had a TV. So yeah, in the lack of any real entertainment options, Jesse can kind of see it. And then Daryl keeps talking and Jesse's left standing there, mouth open, just staring at Daryl as he walks past like he hadn't just dropped the biggest bombshell Jesse's ever heard. ]
What?
[ He finally remembers how to move, half-jogging to catch up with Daryl, ambling along like everything's normal. Had he heard that right? He couldn't have, right? ]
End of the what?
He might not even have had a TV. So yeah, in the lack of any real entertainment options, Jesse can kind of see it. And then Daryl keeps talking and Jesse's left standing there, mouth open, just staring at Daryl as he walks past like he hadn't just dropped the biggest bombshell Jesse's ever heard. ]
What?
[ He finally remembers how to move, half-jogging to catch up with Daryl, ambling along like everything's normal. Had he heard that right? He couldn't have, right? ]
End of the what?
[ He's been aware for a long time that Jesse doesn't know the details about where Daryl comes from. He's told others here, even details in some cases, but it's never really come up with Jesse, not even when he was telling him about why he had to leave. It's dawning on him now, as Jesse rushes to catch up with him, that maybe he might have understood the situation better if Daryl had told him more.
Imagine that. ]
When the dead started comin' back to life. [ He shrugs, pure nonchalance. It's been so many years that none of it feels or sounds fantastic to him anymore. ] Power went fast. Radio stayed, of course, but there were no broadcasts or nothin'.
But they bombed the cities fast. Everything felt different after that.
[ Just walking, chatting, like he's talking about construction that happened in his hometown. ]
Imagine that. ]
When the dead started comin' back to life. [ He shrugs, pure nonchalance. It's been so many years that none of it feels or sounds fantastic to him anymore. ] Power went fast. Radio stayed, of course, but there were no broadcasts or nothin'.
But they bombed the cities fast. Everything felt different after that.
[ Just walking, chatting, like he's talking about construction that happened in his hometown. ]
I was a late arrival.
[ A fact he is very slightly glad for - on the one hand, it did mean the staff who had been too busy working during the dinner had come to find he was one of their few remaining outlets. On the other hand, it meant not very many people he knows saw him like that, and he's not in a hurry to talk about it. Better to emphasize the torture and experimentation and the fucking spiders than... any of that.
Better to laugh it off and pretend he liked it. ]
I'm pretty sure she can hear everything, no matter what we do.
[ She's so powerful, in ways that he doesn't understand. It's like spending his life learning wine and being given a jug of vodka, he can tell there's stronger power there but all the complexities escape him. ]
But I don't have a lot of choice. So she can listen to twenty questions, and town gossip, and the Iron Bull thrashing me at chess.
[ A fact he is very slightly glad for - on the one hand, it did mean the staff who had been too busy working during the dinner had come to find he was one of their few remaining outlets. On the other hand, it meant not very many people he knows saw him like that, and he's not in a hurry to talk about it. Better to emphasize the torture and experimentation and the fucking spiders than... any of that.
Better to laugh it off and pretend he liked it. ]
I'm pretty sure she can hear everything, no matter what we do.
[ She's so powerful, in ways that he doesn't understand. It's like spending his life learning wine and being given a jug of vodka, he can tell there's stronger power there but all the complexities escape him. ]
But I don't have a lot of choice. So she can listen to twenty questions, and town gossip, and the Iron Bull thrashing me at chess.
Hey - that's not funny, yo.
[ He stares at Daryl, disbelieving, just this side of indignant - but also just a little bit uncertain. It's not the kind of joke he can see Daryl making, especially out of nowhere like this. Bombing cities? He wouldn't joke about that.
But it also can't be real, what he's saying. Because it doesn't make any sense. It's impossible, and if it wasn't, Daryl wouldn't be talking about it like this, like it's nothing. ]
Yo, knock it off, come on. I think it's cool. That you read.
[ He only wishes he could see the appeal itself. It sure would've made school a lot less boring. Maybe he wouldn't have turned out like such a major fuckup, disappointed his parents and everyone else. But there's no reason for Daryl to make all this up just to justify it, or mess with Jesse for his reaction. ]
[ He stares at Daryl, disbelieving, just this side of indignant - but also just a little bit uncertain. It's not the kind of joke he can see Daryl making, especially out of nowhere like this. Bombing cities? He wouldn't joke about that.
But it also can't be real, what he's saying. Because it doesn't make any sense. It's impossible, and if it wasn't, Daryl wouldn't be talking about it like this, like it's nothing. ]
Yo, knock it off, come on. I think it's cool. That you read.
[ He only wishes he could see the appeal itself. It sure would've made school a lot less boring. Maybe he wouldn't have turned out like such a major fuckup, disappointed his parents and everyone else. But there's no reason for Daryl to make all this up just to justify it, or mess with Jesse for his reaction. ]
[ That eavesdropping, it's exactly what Daryl has been worried about all this time, why he doesn't trust the psychic way of communication they'd been given as soon as they got here. No one just gives something like that without there being a catch. It would be the perfect way for her to keep an eye on her pets. ]
Alright, well.
You can ask more than twenty if you want.
[ There's a hint of dry, gallows humour that trickles through from him as well. It isn't the first time Daryl has had to find a way to make light of a hopeless situation to help out someone else. ]
You two gotta be close to take a fall like this.
You knew him before?
[ Usually Daryl wouldn't ask. Private lives are private and even when people share with him, he takes it as it is and doesn't ask for more. But obviously, the guy needs to talk tonight. ]
Alright, well.
You can ask more than twenty if you want.
[ There's a hint of dry, gallows humour that trickles through from him as well. It isn't the first time Daryl has had to find a way to make light of a hopeless situation to help out someone else. ]
You two gotta be close to take a fall like this.
You knew him before?
[ Usually Daryl wouldn't ask. Private lives are private and even when people share with him, he takes it as it is and doesn't ask for more. But obviously, the guy needs to talk tonight. ]
Who's jokin'?
[ But it feels strangely difficult for him to elaborate. Most people here had been either primed to believe him already or outright interested in knowing more. Mavis had seemed confused but open-minded, John had wanted to know everything.
Jesse just seems to think it's impossible for some reason. Daryl's allergy to going into unasked-for detail is rearing its ugly head. ]
No. You don't.
[ But he's settled about it, isn't taking it as personally now that he understands where Jesse's disbelief had been coming from. It makes sense that he wouldn't be into reading. How many meth dealers has Daryl ever met who carried a book with them? ]
[ But it feels strangely difficult for him to elaborate. Most people here had been either primed to believe him already or outright interested in knowing more. Mavis had seemed confused but open-minded, John had wanted to know everything.
Jesse just seems to think it's impossible for some reason. Daryl's allergy to going into unasked-for detail is rearing its ugly head. ]
No. You don't.
[ But he's settled about it, isn't taking it as personally now that he understands where Jesse's disbelief had been coming from. It makes sense that he wouldn't be into reading. How many meth dealers has Daryl ever met who carried a book with them? ]
No. I met him my first day in town.
[ Compared to his long life he's known House a fraction of an instant. But the trauma bonding in this place is off the charts. ]
Spent every day together since. He reminds me of life before everything went bad.
[ In the days before the world ended. When doctors worked in hospitals, when magic only happened on tv. ]
I don't want this place to break him.
[ He can't save everyone this time, but he can pick one person, one awful fragile human who plays guitar and makes John laugh, and shield him from as much of it as he can. ]
[ Compared to his long life he's known House a fraction of an instant. But the trauma bonding in this place is off the charts. ]
Spent every day together since. He reminds me of life before everything went bad.
[ In the days before the world ended. When doctors worked in hospitals, when magic only happened on tv. ]
I don't want this place to break him.
[ He can't save everyone this time, but he can pick one person, one awful fragile human who plays guitar and makes John laugh, and shield him from as much of it as he can. ]
[ Shit. It's so similar that it twists and keeps him silent for longer than he means to be. For a long time, he debates not saying anything. The Duchess doesn't need to know he has a weakness here. Nobody does, not her, not Leah, not this strange man he's talking to now.
But John has shared something that seems terribly fucking personal and Daryl knows the value and honour in vulnerability. ]
I got one of those here, too.
[ That's as much as he can do. It's a lot. But there's another offer he can make that comes much easier. ]
You let me know if you ever need help keeping that from happening. I owe you.
But John has shared something that seems terribly fucking personal and Daryl knows the value and honour in vulnerability. ]
I got one of those here, too.
[ That's as much as he can do. It's a lot. But there's another offer he can make that comes much easier. ]
You let me know if you ever need help keeping that from happening. I owe you.
Yeah I do.
[ But he can only sound so convincing. Cool is pushing it a little, after all. Or a lot. The point is, he doesn't think Daryl's less cool because of it.
The bigger question is this end of the world thing. This dead coming to life thing. He keeps pace with Daryl, head turned to stare at him instead of watching where he's going. It's a wonder he doesn't run straight into a wall or something and knock himself out. ]
Who bombed what cities?
[ There's still a tinge of uncertainty in his voice - he doesn't want to fall for anything like a gullible asshole. But he just can't figure out why Daryl would lie about something like that, either. ]
[ But he can only sound so convincing. Cool is pushing it a little, after all. Or a lot. The point is, he doesn't think Daryl's less cool because of it.
The bigger question is this end of the world thing. This dead coming to life thing. He keeps pace with Daryl, head turned to stare at him instead of watching where he's going. It's a wonder he doesn't run straight into a wall or something and knock himself out. ]
Who bombed what cities?
[ There's still a tinge of uncertainty in his voice - he doesn't want to fall for anything like a gullible asshole. But he just can't figure out why Daryl would lie about something like that, either. ]
[ Daryl knows broadly where he's going, he had only passed the place with the books once while making his map of the town, but he's content to walk in silence and let the kid figure out if he wants to ask any more on his own. He knows he's being stared at but he only gives Jesse a considering glance once he's formed his question. ]
You really wanna know?
[ It pains him a little, to think that Jesse might not believe him. He doesn't want to lay it out and show all his broken cards from a slow-healing world if Jesse isn't even going to understand. ]
Military. [ As far as he knows, anyway. ] They used napalm, tryin' to take out walkers, or maybe people. Tryin' to keep them from becomin' walkers. [ He shrugs. ] It didn't work. Cities were hotspots for years.
You really wanna know?
[ It pains him a little, to think that Jesse might not believe him. He doesn't want to lay it out and show all his broken cards from a slow-healing world if Jesse isn't even going to understand. ]
Military. [ As far as he knows, anyway. ] They used napalm, tryin' to take out walkers, or maybe people. Tryin' to keep them from becomin' walkers. [ He shrugs. ] It didn't work. Cities were hotspots for years.
[ It sounds like the plot to some dumb horror movie, but Daryl's so serious about it that Jesse almost has no choice but to believe him. He keeps his gaze on Daryl's face even when the other man's looking at the path ahead instead of him, trying to read his expression. Or, since this is Daryl, his almost total lack thereof.
The thing is, it kind of makes sense, with what he knows about Daryl. The way he'd naturally gravitated towards setting up camp in the woods, easily dismissing the modern (well, modern-ish) conveniences offered in town. How good he is at hunting. At surviving on almost nothing. Like he's been doing it for years.
Like someone living after the end of the world would. ]
Walkers...
You mean...you mean fuckin' zombies. Right?
The dead.
The thing is, it kind of makes sense, with what he knows about Daryl. The way he'd naturally gravitated towards setting up camp in the woods, easily dismissing the modern (well, modern-ish) conveniences offered in town. How good he is at hunting. At surviving on almost nothing. Like he's been doing it for years.
Like someone living after the end of the world would. ]
Walkers...
You mean...you mean fuckin' zombies. Right?
The dead.
[ That's enough to get a grimace out of Daryl but he's pacified to hear that Jesse isn't accusing him of being a liar anymore. It almost ends up being a comical expression as a result. ]
Why does everyone keep usin' that word?
[ He's heard everything under the sun that a survivor could think to call the dead come back to life, but not until that green-haired girl in the rain had called his life some cheap horror movie has he heard that word before. ]
It doesn't describe nothin' they do. Biters, lamebrains, geeks. [ That had been his at first, it had never caught on. ] Skin-eaters, roamers. Lurkers, if that's what they're doin'. We called 'em walkers because you had to call 'em something.
Why does everyone keep usin' that word?
[ He's heard everything under the sun that a survivor could think to call the dead come back to life, but not until that green-haired girl in the rain had called his life some cheap horror movie has he heard that word before. ]
It doesn't describe nothin' they do. Biters, lamebrains, geeks. [ That had been his at first, it had never caught on. ] Skin-eaters, roamers. Lurkers, if that's what they're doin'. We called 'em walkers because you had to call 'em something.
I will. Thanks, Daryl.
[ He'll keep chatting a little for the next hour or so, mostly idle questions about infrastructure, if walkers ever rotted away to nothing, what kind of food Daryl ate during the apocalypse - maybe asking for camping tips, getting him talking about hunting and knives rather than anything personal. Interested in Daryl's passions as much as someone else's world, so different to his other despite all the ways it was the same. ]
[ He'll keep chatting a little for the next hour or so, mostly idle questions about infrastructure, if walkers ever rotted away to nothing, what kind of food Daryl ate during the apocalypse - maybe asking for camping tips, getting him talking about hunting and knives rather than anything personal. Interested in Daryl's passions as much as someone else's world, so different to his other despite all the ways it was the same. ]
I dunno. Why are draculas called draculas?
[ It's just a word. It's what they are. Daryl's words are very descriptive, though, and Jesse makes a face. Skin-eaters? Fucking gross. ]
Holy shit.
[ He mutters to himself, still looking at Daryl with new eyes. ]
You really -
Why didn't you ever tell me you were from the fuckin' zombie apocalypse, man?
[ It's just a word. It's what they are. Daryl's words are very descriptive, though, and Jesse makes a face. Skin-eaters? Fucking gross. ]
Holy shit.
[ He mutters to himself, still looking at Daryl with new eyes. ]
You really -
Why didn't you ever tell me you were from the fuckin' zombie apocalypse, man?
[ Vampires, the kid means vampires, even Daryl knows that, but he just snorts and doesn't correct him. Little Miss L.A. had made it sound like zombies were a regular part of movies and shit where she came from, so he has to assume that the same thing goes for Jesse. That's how he knows some part of what Daryl's talking about.
Hell, maybe Jesse and the green-haired girl are from the same version of the world. ]
You didn't ask.
[ He quite literally hadn't. But he stops to look at Jesse properly, to let him see that Daryl is being completely serious. ]
My world... [ Shit, that will never not sound impossibly weird to Daryl, ] It was like yours. Thirteen years ago.
Hell, maybe Jesse and the green-haired girl are from the same version of the world. ]
You didn't ask.
[ He quite literally hadn't. But he stops to look at Jesse properly, to let him see that Daryl is being completely serious. ]
My world... [ Shit, that will never not sound impossibly weird to Daryl, ] It was like yours. Thirteen years ago.
Seriously?
[ Come on. Even Daryl has to know better than that. No, neither of them have talked much about their lives before all this, but there's no way by the way, I'm straight outta Dawn of the Dead shouldn't have been number one on the list.
But Jesse stops when Daryl does, attentively listening now that Daryl's actually sharing information with him. ]
Thirteen...
[ Thirteen years. He can see it, actually. If anyone's capable of surviving over a decade in a hellish, zombie-infested wasteland, it's Daryl. ]
What's it like?
[ What kind of life has he built, thirteen years on? The words come out softer, Jesse's eyes alert and fixed on Daryl. He doesn't seem to mind talking about it, at least so far, but he doesn't want to push too hard. ]
You're with your brother? Right?
[ Come on. Even Daryl has to know better than that. No, neither of them have talked much about their lives before all this, but there's no way by the way, I'm straight outta Dawn of the Dead shouldn't have been number one on the list.
But Jesse stops when Daryl does, attentively listening now that Daryl's actually sharing information with him. ]
Thirteen...
[ Thirteen years. He can see it, actually. If anyone's capable of surviving over a decade in a hellish, zombie-infested wasteland, it's Daryl. ]
What's it like?
[ What kind of life has he built, thirteen years on? The words come out softer, Jesse's eyes alert and fixed on Daryl. He doesn't seem to mind talking about it, at least so far, but he doesn't want to push too hard. ]
You're with your brother? Right?
[ What's it like?
Of all the things Daryl isn't expecting to feel after being asked the question, it's lost. How can he even start to tell him? What exactly does he want to know? What the world was like for so long, what he's done? All the impossible things he's seen people accomplish, all the horror he's learned others are capable of? All the death, the unending, ever-present threat of loss?
All of it and nothing shows on his face for a flash but when Jesse asks about his brother, Daryl looks away. Blinks to clear his eyes. How has it all hit him so fast, with just a couple of questions? ]
Nah. I lost him.
[ He swallows, trying to grind down on the rush of emotions because damn it, they're in public and there's no point in getting worked up about any of this. He's fucking stuck here, he's trapped and the only way he'll survive to finally get free is if he doesn't do this to himself. He knows that. He's been trying. ]
I was lookin' for him when I... [ Ended up here. With you. ] But I don't wanna talk about him.
Of all the things Daryl isn't expecting to feel after being asked the question, it's lost. How can he even start to tell him? What exactly does he want to know? What the world was like for so long, what he's done? All the impossible things he's seen people accomplish, all the horror he's learned others are capable of? All the death, the unending, ever-present threat of loss?
All of it and nothing shows on his face for a flash but when Jesse asks about his brother, Daryl looks away. Blinks to clear his eyes. How has it all hit him so fast, with just a couple of questions? ]
Nah. I lost him.
[ He swallows, trying to grind down on the rush of emotions because damn it, they're in public and there's no point in getting worked up about any of this. He's fucking stuck here, he's trapped and the only way he'll survive to finally get free is if he doesn't do this to himself. He knows that. He's been trying. ]
I was lookin' for him when I... [ Ended up here. With you. ] But I don't wanna talk about him.
[ Lost him. Daryl had mentioned he was looking for him, but somehow Jesse hadn't realized it was that serious. That he was really lost.
He feels like shit immediately, dropping his gaze and nodding quickly when Daryl says he doesn't wanna talk about it. ]
Yeah. Yeah, no problem.
[ But it doesn't seem like enough. His hand twitches, almost like he wants to take Daryl's. Reach for him, try to offer some sort of comfort.
It's a stupid instinct. What kind of comfort could someone like Jesse ever offer? Daryl had lost his brother. ]
I'm sorry, man.
[ He speaks softly, flicking a sorrowful, genuinely regretful look up at Daryl's face. ]
For real.
He feels like shit immediately, dropping his gaze and nodding quickly when Daryl says he doesn't wanna talk about it. ]
Yeah. Yeah, no problem.
[ But it doesn't seem like enough. His hand twitches, almost like he wants to take Daryl's. Reach for him, try to offer some sort of comfort.
It's a stupid instinct. What kind of comfort could someone like Jesse ever offer? Daryl had lost his brother. ]
I'm sorry, man.
[ He speaks softly, flicking a sorrowful, genuinely regretful look up at Daryl's face. ]
For real.
[ That should be it, they should just be dropping it and moving on, but Jesse doesn't step out of his way and instead, he's looking at him and offering sympathy and Daryl has to swallow and nod just for the sake of doing something. He hasn't been talking about it with anyone because he'd wanted to avoid moments like this, but Jesse has a way of prying things out of him, he's realizing. He can be all too convincing when he wants to be.
But maybe he understands a little better now why Daryl has somewhere else he needs to be. ]
So when I left. [ Into the void, into disaster. ] It wasn't that...
[ That he'd necessarily wanted to leave him, or even that he hadn't considered taking him along. It was all just so much more complicated than he'd been able to put into words. It still is. ]
I've just gotta find him, y'know? To bring him back to his family. Like I promised I would.
[ But he reaches out and squeezes Jesse by the shoulder, his way of saying that he doesn't blame him for asking. ]
But maybe he understands a little better now why Daryl has somewhere else he needs to be. ]
So when I left. [ Into the void, into disaster. ] It wasn't that...
[ That he'd necessarily wanted to leave him, or even that he hadn't considered taking him along. It was all just so much more complicated than he'd been able to put into words. It still is. ]
I've just gotta find him, y'know? To bring him back to his family. Like I promised I would.
[ But he reaches out and squeezes Jesse by the shoulder, his way of saying that he doesn't blame him for asking. ]
Yeah. I know you do.
[ He gets it. He hadn't been mad before, about Daryl deciding to leave to find his brother. He'd never questioned his priorities even for a second. He'd just been hurt that Daryl hadn't thought to tell him he was going.
Jesse gives him a small smile, sad but grateful, when he squeezes his shoulder. He knows he hadn't wanted to talk about it, but Daryl hadn't snapped at him, or pushed him away. When's the last time someone had opened up to him like that? He's not sure he even knows. ]
I'm glad you're still here.
[ He says it softly, almost a confession. It's not that he'd wanted Daryl to fail, when he'd tried to escape through the void. But selfishly...he doesn't know where he'd be now, if Daryl wasn't still here with him. ]
But you'll find him again. I know you will.
[ He gets it. He hadn't been mad before, about Daryl deciding to leave to find his brother. He'd never questioned his priorities even for a second. He'd just been hurt that Daryl hadn't thought to tell him he was going.
Jesse gives him a small smile, sad but grateful, when he squeezes his shoulder. He knows he hadn't wanted to talk about it, but Daryl hadn't snapped at him, or pushed him away. When's the last time someone had opened up to him like that? He's not sure he even knows. ]
I'm glad you're still here.
[ He says it softly, almost a confession. It's not that he'd wanted Daryl to fail, when he'd tried to escape through the void. But selfishly...he doesn't know where he'd be now, if Daryl wasn't still here with him. ]
But you'll find him again. I know you will.
[ Daryl isn't glad he's still here, he's tortured by it every day, but Jesse saying so hits him harder than it has a right to. It keeps him from going any further down his self-pitying whirlpool and he just blinks at Jesse, studying him. Trying to figure out why he's said that. Why they're out on a walk right now, why they've been sharing a room. A bed.
It all suddenly seems to make a stupid amount of sense. ]
You got too much faith in me.
[ He manages a little smile, small but almost shy, way too vulnerable. He balances it by shoving Jesse by the shoulder, turning him to get him moving and walking again. ]
You've only seen me fail.
[ He's failed to get out of this place, failed to keep Jesse safe, especially from himself. Failed to stay alive. Failed to recover from that on his own without clinging to Jesse for sanity. He's on a roll here, as far as he's concerned. ]
It all suddenly seems to make a stupid amount of sense. ]
You got too much faith in me.
[ He manages a little smile, small but almost shy, way too vulnerable. He balances it by shoving Jesse by the shoulder, turning him to get him moving and walking again. ]
You've only seen me fail.
[ He's failed to get out of this place, failed to keep Jesse safe, especially from himself. Failed to stay alive. Failed to recover from that on his own without clinging to Jesse for sanity. He's on a roll here, as far as he's concerned. ]
Edited 2023-09-21 00:27 (UTC)
[ It aches, hearing him say that. Jesse starts walking when Daryl urges him to, but he keeps looking over at Daryl as he does, studying him.
Can he really believe that? How? Daryl's saved him, again and again. He's never stopped trying from the moment Jesse met him. Looking after people. Fighting to get back to his brother. Making a home here, hunting for food, doing everything in his power to keep the monster at bay even as it threatens to overwhelm him.
Jesse just can't see how he can really believe what he's saying. He shakes his head, his eyes sad, but he doesn't know how to even start to argue back, if Daryl's that convinced. So when he looks up and sees the sign for the bookshop overhead, he seizes onto the distraction. ]
Hey. [ He nudges Daryl's shoulder, then nods up at the sign. ] We're here.
Can he really believe that? How? Daryl's saved him, again and again. He's never stopped trying from the moment Jesse met him. Looking after people. Fighting to get back to his brother. Making a home here, hunting for food, doing everything in his power to keep the monster at bay even as it threatens to overwhelm him.
Jesse just can't see how he can really believe what he's saying. He shakes his head, his eyes sad, but he doesn't know how to even start to argue back, if Daryl's that convinced. So when he looks up and sees the sign for the bookshop overhead, he seizes onto the distraction. ]
Hey. [ He nudges Daryl's shoulder, then nods up at the sign. ] We're here.
Page 9 of 19